dis-lex-sic
thanks for the link, I was able to solve the problem with the SETTINGS -> General -> Reset -> Reset All Settings
I reset the phone, waited for it to restart, then connected to USB in car.
The message on the screen (car) was something about searching or scanning ipod device, then the music started playing
I was able to do all the same operations I was able to previously
I will report back later as to the continued status of this 'fix' but all looks good so far.
The iPhone still reports that "This accessory is not optimised for iPhone blah blah blah" however it still works well enough to control via the vehicle controls.
thanks again dis-lex-sic